I got used. It's a hard thing to admit, but it's true. So there was a party and there was Jared and there was alcohol. Need I say more. No sex though. As much as every one would have liked to think. No sex. He said he cared. He lied. I should have seen that one coming. I didn't cry over him. I wish I could but he just isn't worth it. I was not infatuated with him but more the idea that he gave off. Sweet guy, funny, nice, a little dumb sometimes. All of that was a lie. I knew deep down that it was fake but I liked the idea of having some one like that. You know who he is? A liar. A cheater. A pot head. An alcoholic. A self-centered ass hole. But I didn't want to let myself believe that. I liked the imaginary world I was living in for a few months. I like pretending. Kind of like I always pretended to be something I wasn't in front of Mackenzie becuase I was afraid she would think I was a whore. Maybe I am a whore. But now she nows what I really am and time will tell how it affects our friendship. I never really worried about Emily looking down on me. I'm a liar. Yes I did. Ever since that night me and Cassie got drunk and Emily was mad at Cassie about it. Ever since that night. But now she knows too. So here's hoping things don't get weird. Sometimes they joke and call me a slut and I don't think they know that it makes me want to cry. But of course I don't say anything. I pretend like it doesn't phase me. It does. Even if they are joking, for some reason it hurts. We plan to do something New Years. Don't know what. But something. I don't really want to drink. Maybe I will. I won't make the same mistake I did last time though. Enough.